Outgrowing selfishness

A newborn baby is extremely selfish. We lovingly forgive them of this character flaw because they are completely vulnerable. We understand that their demands are simply an attempt to bring their world back into balance. They are trying to survive the only way they know how.

No one is born with good character; It’s not a hereditary trait.

Michael Josephson

We also understand that character is formed by the decisions we make. Because babies can’t really make many decisions, their character development is only in its very earliest stages. Over time, a baby develops greater physical strength and becomes more mobile. With greater mobility comes more choices. Each choice has consequences, some pleasant, some unpleasant.

Increasing choice

As a baby reaches the rolling about and the crawling stages, parents quickly find the need to “baby proof” the house. This means that they look for objects within the baby’s new-found reach that could be dangerous to the baby. Of course, these objects (scissors, electrical power cords), are often useful and powerful tools in themselves, but the baby is not yet able to understand and use these powers.

Toddlerhood brings even greater mobility. Soon the child learns to climb. This greatly increases her reach — and the potential danger. Curiosity is necessary for mental development, but it must be gently guided by caring adults because a child does not yet understand many things.

As children develop, they gradually develop a sense of personal power. They are no longer the helpless babies they once were. Some children are physically taller, bigger, and/or stronger than other children and may use these traits to bully others.

Schooling provides children with the opportunity to develop socially as well as intellectually. Children find others with whom they share interests and establish a group, large or small, of friends.

Parental influence

It is in our interactions with others that our character develops – and is measured. Good parenting can go a long way toward teaching children to share, to be patient, to not hit others, to control the volume of their voice, and eventually, to make their bed, clean their room, wash the dishes, and be helpful.

Of course, no parent is perfect and some children seem to take direction more readily than others. Also, as a child grows, there are more and more outside influences on a child’s choices. Yet, a strong, loving, but disciplined, family upbringing can give a child both a sense of security and useful interpersonal skills that will help them navigate the world.

Adolescent rebellion

During adolescence, a person will work to establish a sense of self that is independent of one’s parents. It is interesting that, at the same time they are trying to be more independent from their parents, adolescents are more dependent than ever upon peer approval. This is also the age when they typically develop hero worship, or fandom, toward various cultural personalities — often popular musicians.

During this confusing time people often try out different types of friends, clothing, hair styles, emotions, and activities in an attempt to “find themselves.” This stage of experimentation is essential to the eventual maturation of the individual, but it is fraught with dangers. For example, experimentation with alcohol, drugs, or premature sexuality, can lead to permanent unpleasant consequences.

Adulthood

Adulthood should not really be defined by a person’s age. A person’s social, emotional, and moral development can often become stuck at the childhood or adolescent stages. Rather, true adulthood is demonstrated by the ability to independently take care of oneself and the responsibility to follow through on commitments one has made.

Because of the need to work, adulthood reinforces the lessons of punctuality, honesty, dependability, sociability, problem-solving, and creativity that were previously taught in school. Work requires one to support the external goals and interests of the larger enterprise – even if one is ultimately motivated by desire for personal income.

Responsible Parenthood

Parenthood is uniquely able to teach one to be unselfish. One’s children, especially the very young ones, require care and attention regardless of whether one is tired, or ill, or would prefer to do something else. A parent has the opportunity to learn the value and importance of higher priorities that lie outside of themselves.

During children’s growing years, their health, welfare, and education should be their parent’s highest priority. During this time it is important to remember that the parents are learning and growing just as much as the children.

Altruism

Adults without children, or adults whose children have grown, have an opportunity to decide whether to spend their time and money on purely selfish pursuits, or whether to dedicate themselves to improving the lives of others.

Jesus taught that one’s character is measured not by the extent of one’s personal riches but by how much one serves others.

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

Matthew 16:25-26

Exaltation

Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints hope to eventually become like Jesus. To become like him we must follow His example and strive to become totally selfless.

Our entire life is meant to be an instance of steady growth from the utter selfishness of the newborn baby to the state of generosity, compassion, sacrifice, and love that is exemplified by Jesus Christ.

We obviously have far to go. But at least we should keep the goal in mind.

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

Mosiah 2:17